The Dog Collar

Mickey's parents brought over a new large dog shock collar today. That's nice. Mickey doesn't own any large dogs. I own two, but I have a remote shock trainer for Roofus already. And it's under warranty. It's a nice one too, about 7 months old.

Mickey calls to me and informs me that we'll put mine on his dog and Roofus gets the new one. Wait a second, what?? My nice 10 level $100 shock collar is going on HIS dog and I get this bulky ugly one that has just one shock level? I don't THINK so. I told him if he wanted to use my shock collar than he needed to pay me $100 for it. He responded that his dog couldn't wear the new one because it had only one level. WTF? So my dog can just get the hell shocked outta him? I think not! I repeated, if you want your tiny twenty pound dog to wear my large dog shock collar, you owe me $100.

The Fair

I went to the State Fair today. I wish I could say I had fun. I guess in my miserable little way it was. I primarily go to the fair to eat fair food, and that's it. I like looking at the chickens and the horses too, but if I don't see them my day isn't ruined or anything. Mickey's doing this weird thing where he thinks we are boyfriend and girlfriend, despite the fact that I spelled it out for him before we bought this dinky house. There is not, nor will there ever be, anything between us. I guess that wasn't clear enough for him. I was telling him how the women at the dog park were suggesting different places for me to meet men, and he got really upset. Telling me he hoped I brought my own money to pay for stuff because he wasn't going to do it if I was going to look for other men.

Uhhh, "other" men? Maybe a "man" to begin with!

Plus he's getting all stupid about his weight. At the fair he mentioned he wanted to go white water rafting. I said that's not a good idea. He wanted to know why so I told him - when he gets tired we can't just stop. Plus I don't think any rafting place would ALLOW him to go. He's about 300 pounds, and when we did an 8 mile bike ride a few years back he had to stop every fifteen minutes! There were kids on training wheels (who finished before us, btw) that only stopped once the entire time. It was annoying. If he can't do that, how is he going to go rafting?

He also saw some guy dressed up as a dummy sitting in a kayak waving at kids in a water safety exhibit. He said that would be a great job! I said I don't think so, it'd be uncomfortable being all cramped up in a kayak for hours. THAT turned into this huge thing where Mickey wants to remember himself as going kayaking a lot and how it isn't uncomfortable and blah blah. I think Mickey wants to remember himself as this really active person when in reality, he's not.

Case in point, whenever I come home from work I can rely on him being stationed in front of the television, either sleeping on laying like a log. I can spend the rest of my day cleaning the house, cooking meals, washing/walking/playing with the dogs, and ditto for the birds, and he will still be on that sofa doing nothing but growing fatter.

He bought himself a puppy but doesn't want to take him for walks (It's hot, or I'm tired, or that's too far for a little dog), or in general exercise the dog. And of course it's one of those high energy dogs that NEEDS a lot of exercise. Oh well, it'll just grow up to be fat and bad tempered like his other one.

Active? Yea. Active like a sloth.

Near Death Experiences

Ok, in the past week I've nearly died a few times... I think a Higher Power is trying to kill me.

I'm traveling up 315 North on my way to work. I'm in the middle lane, happily cruising along. The exit before mine is just bumper to bumper stopped cars. No biggie. Driving along, kinda happy, which is rare nowadays. About 30' in front of me, this asshole pulls out of the stopped lane. I am going about 65 miles an hour! I slam on the brakes, look in the rear and sideviews, but I can't swerve into another lane because there are cars. So I slam even harder and hope my car can handle the stop!! Stop it did, INCHES from asshole's bumper. Horn was blaring the entire time. The guy did not even ACKNOWLEDGE that he tried to kill me. So I follow him, luckily he's going my way anyway. At the stop light off the exit, I roll my window down and exhaust every single profanity I know (which takes some time considering I've invented a few, like "jerkass" and "fucktard". I know he hears me because his window is rolled down. Feeling slightly vindicated I drive onwards to work.

A few days later I'm taking my dog to an offleash park for him to romp and play. Again, traveling up 315. There is some light construction on the highway, which there usually is anyway. All of the sudden one of the workers darts across the lanes to grab up his precious orange barrels for the night. The obligatory cop that's sitting there eating donuts while they sweat suddenly flips on his lights and jumps onto the freeway blocking the two lanes. Again, I have to slam on my breaks because of the short notice (although this time I was probably 50' away), cursing the cop and civil service jobs in general. I was probably angrier this time because I had my dog with me and should anything happen to HIM I am likely to go on a homicidal spree.

I'm pretty sure I had another near death thing the next day but I just don't recall what it was. I did get a bad haircut, never go to Great Clips. Every time I go there they butcher my hair. This time they made it whopper-jawed. I only needed 2" cut off to even it all up since it's growing out, and my left side is longer than my right. The stylist didn't believe me, it looked even to her. She snipped off the tiniest smidgeon to satisfy me but ya know what? I'm not satisfied. I wear my hair in pigtails until my next haircut.